


Meetings

by dot823



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Despair, F/M, Post-Canon, Post-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Recovery, Relapse into despair, unhealthy thought processes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-23 23:34:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20348659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dot823/pseuds/dot823
Summary: After waking up from the simulation, the survivors decided that having a meeting every night between everyone who was awake would be a good idea. Peko, the first of the killers to awaken, isn't fond of this new tradition.





	1. Phantom Pains

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place over nine months after the simulation is over. Nekomaru woke up about 8-9 months prior to the story, Mahiru about 6, Twogami about 2-3, and Peko has been awake for about a month.

Every evening before dinner, those who are awake gather together to talk. This new tradition amongst the recovering remnants of despair has been going on for nine months, ever since the survivors of the simulation woke up. It’s to help them talk out their feelings and to build trust between everyone. At least, that’s what they told Peko when she expressed that she did not find it necessary to her recovery. The survivors were insistent that it truly helped, and even Mahiru, Nekomaru, and the one they knew as Togami agreed. 

Peko hated it.

The meeting the evening prior had been even more uncomfortable than the rest. It started about the same, talking about physical therapy and how well Peko, as the newest to join them, was doing. Eventually it turned to the typical oversharing of emotions that made Peko feel as though she was invading on their privacy. The conversations were meant to help her feel more connected to the others, but she just felt more isolated. 

The forced therapy session grew a little darker as Togami asked if any of the others felt the pains from their deaths. They spoke of sharp phantom pains that woke them up at night, feeling as though they had been stabbed again. 

“Yeah, I get that too. I get massive headaches, right…” Mahiru began, reaching for the spot where Peko’s bat had landed. She glanced at Peko then, a look in her eyes that Peko had grown familiar with. Almost all the others looked at her the same way, as though they were afraid something they said would upset her. As if they thought she would do it again.

Of course, she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t put Fuyuhiko through that again, when he had expressed such disappointment in her actions the first time.

“My pain’s mostly from when I got blown up,” Nekomaru laughed. As the first to join the survivors, he had nearly eight months to adjust to their new reality. His bright, loud personality was exactly as Peko remembered it, though she had missed the majority of his recovery so far.

“I see…” Sonia nodded, brows furrowed. Peko found it hard to believe that the princess could completely understand. It wasn’t that she held any bad feelings for Sonia, she simply found it hard to believe that the woman could truly understand the phantom pains when she seemed to have none to speak of.

“What about you two?” Hajime asked, glancing between Fuyuhiko and Peko.

“Yeah. I mean...it’s hard for me to tell what’s real pain and what isn’t, with my whole…” he gestured to the scar that replaced one of his eyes, “missing eye deal, but there’s some pain that I know is from what happened.” 

They all turned expectantly to Peko then, waiting for her to admit to her own phantom pains. She didn’t want to talk about them, feeling as though the searing pain that kept her awake at night was a punishment she deserved for what she had done, but they kept looking at her. When she looked at Fuyuhiko and he gave her a small nod of encouragement, she finally spoke.

“Yes. I have phantom pains from my execution,” she explained simply.

“Would you like to talk about it more?” Mahiru suggested.

“It’s supposed to help if you do. Something about sharing the pain or something,” Akane added.

“No, I can handle it,” Peko insisted.

“Are you sure, Peko? You don’t have to go through this alone,” Sonia leaned forward, reaching for Peko’s hands. Peko hoped she wouldn’t be too offended when the swordswoman pulled them out of her reach. 

“Yes, I am sure.”

“You should listen to Miss Sonia. If anybody will understand, it’s all of us. Even Mahiru, and you k- _ ow! _ ” Souda started, but was interrupted by a sharp whack to the back of his head.

“Shut the fuck up!” Fuyuhiko snapped, “She said she doesn’t want to talk about it. She doesn’t owe us shit and none of us have the right to make her talk, got it?”

The group was silent for a moment after his outburst.

“You’re right,” Hajime nodded, “It’s only natural that it’ll take time to open up. Sorry, Peko.”

“Yes, I am very sorry as well!” Sonia added sheepishly, “It was rude of me to push something like this.”

The others joined in with their own apologies and Peko nodded in response to them, looking at the floor rather than making eye contact with any of them. Thankfully, the attention was taken off of her soon after that, Akane changing the topic to the food they had in the simulation and how what they were able to gather together now was nowhere near as good.

Soon after, the meeting ended and they were all free to get their food. Peko walked with Fuyuhiko, as she usually did. She had only just recently become steady on her own two feet, and Fuyuhiko was still in the habit of staying beside her, ready to catch her if she stumbled. Though she knew she was supposed to view herself as a person, she felt warm when she thought of Fuyuhiko as a young master caring so much for his tool. It made her work harder at her physical therapy, wanting to make him proud.

The pair got their servings of dinner, a simple vegetable and rice dish that Mahiru had thrown together, and sat together away from the rest of the group. They always did, and Peko was thankful that Fuyuhiko seemed to understand her need to be away from the group after the meetings. They ate in silence at first, which was perfectly acceptable to Peko. She was happy to spend the time looking around at their surroundings, noticing the differences between partially rundown dining hall in reality and the one in the simulation.

“Peko,” Fuyuhiko interrupted, voice soft enough that Akane and Nekomaru wouldn’t hear them from a few tables over.

“Yes?”

“You don’t have to talk about shit in the meetings if it makes you feel uncomfortable, but you know you can talk to me, right?”

“...I understand,” she answered, feeling a sense of personal failure. 

She thought she was doing a good thing, by not disturbing him by talking about how she felt, but maybe she was wrong. He wanted so many new things from her; for her to work on being physically capable again, and for her to view herself as a person. He wanted her to recover from the trauma too, and though she was working on all of these things, it always stung when she realized she wasn’t doing well enough. He seemed to realize that he’d said something wrong despite the fact that her response was so brief.

“I don’t mean, like, you have to tell me everything, okay? I get it...I didn’t want to tell anybody shit when I woke up, either. I sure as hell didn’t want to talk to the whole ass group about all my drama. I just want you to know that if  _ you _ want to talk to me, then I’m here,” he clarified, “Or you can talk to Hajime, if you want. He’s good at listening. It doesn’t have to be me, just...if you decide you want to talk to somebody, you tell them, okay? And if they don’t listen, tell me, and I’ll fucking punch them.”

Peko found herself smiling just a little as Fuyuhiko spoke. He was always threatening to punch people for Peko and his sister, when they were growing up. The familiarity comforted her, in a way, and she nodded.

“Okay. I will try to talk to somebody,” Peko agreed, though she hoped he understood that it wouldn’t be easy for her.

“Thank you,” he seemed relieved at her promise as the pair went back to their meal. 


	2. Despair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peko struggles with despair and goes searching for her sword. Fuyuhiko isn't happy about it.

The next day was hard. Peko had been warned about the possibility of experiencing a relapse of sorts, where she might feel herself falling back into despair. It was common amongst the remnants, each one having experienced it a handful of times. She was lucky to have been able to avoid it for the first month after awakening, but it seemed that her luck had run out. 

It started early in the day, when Mahiru was suffering a headache at breakfast. It was just a headache, but Peko felt an inkling of guilt in the back of her mind, telling her it was  _ her _ fault. She tried to avoid talking to Mahiru that day, but she caught a glimpse of the photographer glaring in her general direction that made the inkling grow larger and harder to ignore. 

Soon she found herself going to the store room, looking for the bamboo sword that had been kept away from her. The others insisted it was for her own safety, but in that moment Peko found that she didn’t believe them. Part of her knew it was irrational, that she had no reason to use it anymore, but she couldn’t shake the desire to hold the weapon in her hand.

She remembered feeling a similar desire, when she was filled with despair.

Sonia found her just as she found her sword, and on instinct Peko went into a fighting stance, ferocity in her eyes that startled the princess into jumping back. 

“What are you doing, Peko?” Sonia asked, hands up in a sign of surrender, “You aren’t supposed to have that.”

Peko blinked, standing up straight when she realized it was just Sonia. She kept her grip on her sword, still unwilling to give it up.

“I apologize for frightening you. I simply want my sword,” she explained, walking towards the door. 

“I understand, but I must request that you leave it here!” Sonia insisted, blocking the only entrance to the room with her body. 

Peko paused, slightly raising the sword to threaten Sonia before thinking better on it, “I do not understand. I will not attack anybody with it, I simply want to have it with me.”

Sonia frowned, disappointment in her eyes, but Peko didn’t care. Sonia wasn’t a Kuzuryuu, so her opinion did not matter. 

“It isn’t that we think you’ll attack somebody, we know you won’t. We just...fear that it might be harmful to your recovery.”

“It will not be, now please get out of my way,” Peko insisted.

“Please be honest with me, Peko,” Sonia requested as she stood her ground, “Are you struggling with despair?”

“I can handle it,” Peko answered immediately, repeating her phrase from the night before.

“I see. Then…” Sonia paused, biting her lip as she thought about the best course of action, “leave the sword, ask Fuyuhiko if you may take it.” 

Peko thought for a moment, then turned to gently place her sword back on a shelf. Sonia was right, she decided. He had been part of the group that decided she shouldn’t have her sword, so to take it now would be directly disobeying him. She was certain, though, that she could get his permission to take it back. She turned back to Sonia and nodded, and only then did the other girl move from the doorway, motioning for Peko to take her leave. 

The two went their separate ways, Peko searching for the man she was struggling to not refer to as her master. She knew it was wrong, to think of him like that, but it didn’t make it any easier on her in that moment. Part of her thought she would always feel like a tool with a master who didn’t want her, and it only fed into her struggle.

She looked for Fuyuhiko in the dining hall first, then the lobby of the hotel. When she didn’t find him in either of those locations, she headed towards the cottages. She found him talking with Sonia in hushed tones outside of his door, and Peko felt her heart sink. Sonia was probably requesting that Fuyuhiko deny Peko’s plea, she decided. 

She approached the pair as Fuyuhiko glanced up, feeling like an arrow was shot through her heart at the pity in his eye. 

“Peko,” he said, cutting off whatever Sonia was whispering.

Sonia looked back at Peko, eyes widening when she realized she’d been caught.

“Fuyuhiko,” Peko answered, bowing her head slightly out of habit. She quickly picked it back up, but her eyes remained downcast. 

Sonia took a step away from them, but she didn’t walk away like Peko had hoped.

“Uh...I heard you were…” Fuyuhiko struggled, unsure how to phrase whatever Sonia had been telling him. 

“In the store room, yes,” Peko glanced at Sonia, who looked at her apologetically, then looked back at Fuyuhiko, “I would like my sword back.”

“You know you aren’t supposed to have it,” Fuyuhiko said, crossing his arms over his chest, “Why do you want it, anyway?”

“I…” in truth, it would make her feel more useful. If anything were to happen, she would have a better chance of protecting Fuyuhiko if she had her sword with her. That was the wrong answer, though, so she tried to find one that was suitable, “it would help bring me comfort.”

“How?” He pushed, and Peko found herself starting to regret asking.

“It is familiar,” she decided to answer, hoping that it would convince him to stop looking at her like she might break any moment.

“Okay...and why did you feel the need to ask me?” He continued his line of questioning, not giving into her request so easily.

“That is my fault,” Sonia piped in, “I told her to ask you if she could take it. I apologize for putting you in an awkward position, but do you see what I mean?”

“Yeah, but...Peko, I want you to tell me the truth. Are you just asking me because Sonia told you to?”

Peko almost gulped, feeling guilt overwhelm her. She knew she wasn’t supposed to see him as her master, but here she was, asking him for her sword. 

“No. I thought it made sense that I should get your permission.”

Fuyuhiko sighed, running a hand through his hair, “Then I’m not giving it to you.”

“But young--Fuyuhiko, please--”

“No. I don’t want to see you with that stupid fucking sword, okay?” He insisted, voice raising as he spoke. Peko remained silent, hands grasped in front of her as he continued, “I’m not your master and I don’t want to be. You’re a person, and I want us to be equals, but if me telling you no is the only thing that will stop you from taking your sword, then I’m telling you no.”

Tears stung her eyes as Peko bowed her head. Accepting his scolding was always the hardest part of her job when they were growing up, and for some reason he seemed even angrier than usual. She had made so many mistakes, she should’ve known better than to ask for her sword. Of course he was upset with her, he had every right to be.

A small part of her seemed to enjoy the stinging pain of Fuyuhiko’s anger.

“Fuyuhiko, please don’t be too upset with her,” Sonia interjected, “Please remember how hard it can be to relapse, she is struggling very much right now.”

“I  _ know, _ ” he snapped, then taking a deep breath to try to calm himself down, “I know. It doesn’t make it any easier.”

“We talked about this. You knew she was likely going to act like this when she relapsed,” Sonia tried again, “This is passing, she will get better. Remember how Mahiru was, at first?”

“Don’t remind me,” he scoffed, turning his attention back to Peko, “I’m sorry for losing my temper at you.”

“It is alright. I shouldn’t have asked for my sword, it is my fault.”

“It isn’t your fault, and it isn’t alright,” Fuyuhiko sighed, “just...go on a walk or something.”

“Understood.”

With that, Peko turned and left. She spent her walk feeling guilty, like a failure for relapsing into despair at all. She was causing Fuyuhiko pain, and that made her own pain grow even stronger. She didn’t return to the hotel until lunch time, after a good hour spent walking around the island they were trapped on.

During the meal, everyone gave her the same frightened look, walking on their toes around her in the way that drove her mad. She couldn’t stand them acting as though she was about to fall apart, even when she did feel so fragile. 


	3. Skipping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peko ditches the meeting and Fuyuhiko soon finds her. Finally, she begins the process of opening up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may return to this and add more some day, but for now I'm considering it complete. Mostly because one of the next steps to recovery for Peko would probably be talking with Mahiru and I don't feel like writing that.

Peko still felt humiliated as the day went on, her mind clearing just enough for her to realize that the others would probably try to make her talk about her feelings that night, at the meeting. She knew she should go, that it was required and they would notice if she was missing, but...she couldn’t handle the idea of that specific meeting. Half an hour before it was time to gather in the hotel lobby, Peko left her cottage, sneaking out of the hotel complex before anybody could notice. 

She walked to the beach, ignoring the pain in her joints as she lowered herself to the sand. The waves of the polluted ocean gently rolled against the sand in front of her and she watched them ebb and flow silently. 

This was much preferred to the meeting, she quickly decided. The only sounds around here were those of nature; the wind in the trees gently rustling the leaves and the ocean water lapping at the sand slowly until it fell back again. It couldn’t last, of course, and though she knew that it would come to an end rather quickly, she still found herself filled with dread when she heard the distant tapping sound of someone’s shoes on the sidewalk. She closed her eyes, turning her head away as the sound grew closer. Eventually the steps turned onto the beach, the sand moving under each of the person’s steps until they stood beside her.

They didn’t move or speak at first, and Peko found herself hoping they would turn away. She knew better, though. Nobody here would leave her be, they were all far too worried about her to let her skip a meeting without making a big deal about it. She was just thankful they only sent one person after her.

“I do not wish to go to the meeting,” she finally said, still not looking at whoever they had sent to retrieve her. 

Instead of insisting they go, the person sat beside her. It was only when he spoke that Peko realized it was Fuyuhiko.

“It’s okay, we don’t have to.” 

They remained silent for several minutes, Peko eventually turning to look at him and discovering that he was staring out into the ocean.

“I’m sorry for getting so upset with you earlier,” Fuyuhiko eventually added, glancing at her for just a second before turning his eye to the ocean again, “I should’ve known better. I know you couldn’t help feeling that way and I should’ve kept my cool.”

“It’s alright. You were right in not allowing me to take my sword,” she said softly.

“I don’t want to have to  _ allow _ you to do anything.”

“I am working on that. This...is a long process. I apologize if it takes me some time to adjust.”

“...you’re trying, though?”

“Yes. I would like to see us as equals, too,” she explained. It was the truth, she wanted to be able to look him in the eye and be honest with him and tell him how she felt. She knew she couldn’t tell him about her feelings for him until then, or he wouldn’t believe she truly loved him.

“That’s all I can ask for. I know it isn’t easy on you, I know my family really fucked you up and here I am, asking you to change your worldview like it’s nothing. But...remember what I said last night, about if you want to talk to somebody?”

“You said that if I want, you are willing to listen, or to punch anybody who isn’t,” she paraphrased.

“Good. Don’t forget it, okay? I know you don’t like talking shit out, but...it does help.”

“Thank you, Fuyuhiko.”

The pair went silent for a while, both of them just staring into the ocean as the sky darkened and the stars freckled the sky. It wasn’t until the others were most likely already at dinner that Peko spoke up again.

“Fuyuhiko?”

“Yeah?”

“I do want to talk, a little bit.”

“About what?” He turned to look at her, eye wide as he adjusted his position so his body was facing hers.

“The phantom pains. They are...very bad,” she started, “But...I do feel like I deserve them.”

“Why do you think you deserve them? Because you were coerced into killing somebody who’s already forgiven you?”

“...Partially. There’s also all the things that led to the simulation, though.”

Fuyuhiko was silent for a moment; he nodded as he stared at Peko, making the suddenly nervous girl look away from his intense gaze. Maybe opening up about her emotions was the wrong thing to do.

“We’re all paying what what we did, you aren’t alone. Being trapped on this island on our own with limited outside resources, forced to come to terms with what we did and the trauma of the stupid simulation is enough punishment. You don’t need to add extra terms to yours.”

“It is different for me, though,” she tried to explain, pausing for a long moment as she gathered her words. Fuyuhiko waited patiently, not pushing her but not backing down either, “There is something...different, when you are like me.”

“What do you mean, like you? We’re all remnants, as painful as that is to think about.”

“The rest of you...those of you who are awake already, at least...you did not choose to murder, when we had the memories of despair erased. I fell back into it easily, and deep down I know that I would do it again, given the chance.”

Fuyuhiko’s brows furrowed as she spoke. She took that to mean that he didn’t quite understand, but she didn’t expect him to. She was one of a handful of people on the island, but she always felt alone, isolated because of her choices.

“I...didn’t think about that. I mean, I didn’t think about how it would feel, being one of the killers. Maybe because I don’t think of you as a killer. The rest of us...we don’t see you as any different than us. We’ve all forgiven you and all the others because you didn’t have a choice, in the simulation. I guess we overlooked the whole...helping you forgive yourselves part of healing.”

“I did have a choice. Not having a choice is the excuse I used most of my life. Whenever I was asked to do something, I did it without question, and then to relieve the guilt about it I simply told myself I had no choice in the matter. I cannot keep using that excuse,” she said, voice tired.

“Okay, then...what about this. You made that choice because you thought it was the best one, at the time. You were trying to protect me, if anything you can blame me.”

That concept startled Peko, and she looked him in the eye for a solid moment as she tried to figure out if he was being serious. How could she ever blame him? He hadn’t asked her to kill, in that specific instance. Yes, she did it to protect him, to stop him from getting himself killed, but to blame him...was unthinkable.

“I cannot do that.”

Fuyuhiko seemed to get frustrated for a second, about to blurt something out when he got a hold of himself. Instead of expressing his thought, he nodded and let out a disappointed sigh. 

“I know you can’t, not yet. Can we...work on you learning to forgive yourself, at least?”

She nodded, “I will do my best.”

“That’s all I can ask for.”

Their conversation seemed to end there, Peko turning to look back out at the ocean and Fuyuhiko doing the same a moment later. Soon after, the pair rose from their place on the beach, walking beside each other back towards the hotel, towards the others. Peko hoped they wouldn’t make a big deal out of it, silently begging them not to push her to open up about what had happened. She had done enough opening up for one day, with the one person she knew she could trust. Shouldn’t that be enough?


End file.
